Should I Call It A Day?

I feel so guilty but also so unhappy. I met my husband at the tender age of 16 just after my parents split up. I went to live with him and was madly in love with him for the first three years.We got married and I had my first child. I thought he was my knight in shining armour. Then he cheated on me. Just a one night stand but it hurt so much. I hated him and couldn’t believe he had let me down. He didn’t understand why I felt so bad. Being immature and hurting I did the same thing back and told him immediately to make him realise how much it hurt. We both made an effort and things were ok for a while but I never felt sexually attracted to him after that. We went on to have two more children. Our marriage was ok but I always felt I’d lost my feelings for him. He is a good man really. He’s been a good father and always works hard. He’s never been romantic and has never tried to make me feel better about him. We even went to marriage guidance and sexual counseling but it has never changed how I feel. I only wish I had left him so long ago but I had children and hoped life would get better. We have been married for 34 years and have three overlyy children and so much history together. I don’t even know who I am without him as I was just a child with no self knowledge when we met. I did leave him about 5 years ago and stayed in a bedsit for 5 months. I had no visitors and had to visit myfriendss to stay sane. My children rejected me and I was so lonely. My husband threatened to commit suicide and kept visiting me with flowers. I went home again and my children came back. He made an effort for a while but soon dropped back into his old ways. He si a pipe and slippers person who likes staying home in front of TV. He is notparticularlyy clean with personalhygienee. He has never taken any control of household budget its always my problem. Despite me telling him for years Iwantt to go out and have fun and that he needs to wash more and take moreresponsibilityy he has never changed. I’m beginning to realise that he will never change and think my feelings for him won’t either. I am so unhappy and feel alone even though I’m not. He says he loves me and yet when I sobbed the other day because I was in pain he just sat there and ignored me. When I got angry he said he didn’t understand what he’d done wrong. My daughter says he is a nightmare and doesn’t know how I put up with him. My son’s obviously stick up for him. I work so financially I could manage but it would mean selling the family home. However, I know I am making us both unhappy as all I do is complain and don’t even want to sleep with him. How can I hurt him again? Will he really try to commit suicide. Will I just feel lonely again. I am so afraid that at 51 yrs old I am too old to start again. I feel unattractive and scared. Everything frightens me. I have no self confidence and do not know how I can live alone. Am I being ridiculouss? How does anyone call it a day?